


chasing visions of our futures

by Nikkina



Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Gen, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-17
Updated: 2014-05-17
Packaged: 2018-01-25 10:25:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 519
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1645322
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nikkina/pseuds/Nikkina
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Some days are better than others.</p>
            </blockquote>





	chasing visions of our futures

**Author's Note:**

> Title from "Youth" by Daughter, which is a tragically beautiful song.

Some days are better than others.

Some days, he sails through this future like he actually belongs here. He fields messages from Natasha, Sam, Tony, and manages to reply. He sleeps through the night. He sketches the skyline and pays attention to the details as they are, doesn't get lost in the differences and everything that feels so wrong.

Some days, Tony makes the wrong joke or Fury tries to force his hand or he visits Peggy and she doesn't recognize him, not even once. Everything is computers and even buying groceries is more than he can handle, the robot cashier chirping at him that he's doing it wrong, wrong, failing, failing, failing. Falling. He dreams of that, and the creeping burn of ice, and Bucky's outstretched hand, reaching.

With Bucky there, it's easier and it isn't. It's not that they've been apart so long, really. Steve has only been out of the ice for a few years now and Bucky, well. Bucky can only count the past few lucid months. But somehow all the time and the distance and the change has made Steve forget how goddamn stubborn Bucky can be, the way they used to have full-blown hollered arguments before the realities of war turned those into harshly whispered ones.

Some days, Bucky is viciously, savagely angry. He breaks dishes and topples furniture and won't speak to Steve, only at him in loud declarations of wrath. And Bucky hides in the bedroom and Steve goes for a long, long run, as if Bucky could hide from this or Steve could outrun it.

Some days, Steve feels so heavy, so worn down with loss and change and war that he can't seem to get out of bed. And on those days Bucky comes in and lies down next to him, grave and silent, and even being paralyzed by grief isn't quite as bad.

Some days, Bucky forgets. He's filling out a form and he can't recall his middle name, or Clint asks about his favorite movie and he freezes, or Natasha is retelling one of their shared stories and the corners of his eyes grow tense. Then he clings to Steve like a drowning man, and it would be funny if it wasn't so sad, because both of them are drowning.

And then there are days like today. Days where Sam and Natasha wake up "so fucking early man, you have no idea" and show up at the tower with whole cartons of coffee and enough bagels to actually satisfy a team of superheroes. Days where Steve and Bucky convince the team they need to experience Coney Island properly, and some college kid snaps a photo of Tony -- on the Cyclone, looking comically terrified -- that makes the front page the next day. Days where the whole team gathers for a movie night, and Bruce makes his favorite organic popcorn, and Thor shows up with Jane and Darcy and even Selvig in tow, and Clint refuses to agree on any movie other than Jurassic Park. 

And days like these? The better days?

They make all the other ones worthwhile.


End file.
